It's amazing how life can brings you heartily, warm happiness... This is a feeling i haven't felt it for quite awhile.. I'm so glad that i'm given the chance to feel it once more... Can't really describe the feeling inside of me.. Besides really touched from the magnimous gesture, i finally got the chance to speak to her once again.. It might not be as much, but every single word spoken from her can really tells how thankful and grateful i am in my heart to have the chance once again..
Chances like this doesn't comes by this easily and i realised cherishing the moments are most important than anything else... I'm so glad i have this bunch of people to call on as friends who never failed to be there for me throughout all these years.. It's a destiny that wasn't call upon and comes by so easily..
Contentment really does wonder to one's life... To be contented with what you have is not something everyone can count on for.. Just my twenty cents worth of opinions.. In conclusion, I'm happy with everything i had... cheerios.. =)))
I'm so freaking pissed off, saddened, disappointed.. all the unbalance emotions you name it i have it... I'm furious, very very furious that it upset me so much so that my mother and i can't sleep well and had to rely on sleeping pills to get to sleep... So much so much that i can't make myself to understand the feeling of my Granny when she signed or placed her right thumb on the paper...
WHY, WHY does it has to be you, the uncle that i had the utmost respect for since young.. How could you bear to do this? How can you do this to Granny and most outrageous that you DARE to hide it from all of us...!!! Is Money really that important to you, since young you're the most THE MOST SENSIBLE AND KIND-HEARTED.. What's gotten into you to have made this decision that i cannot bring myself to forgive you for... No matter who instigated you to do this.. your decision has utterly made me felt so disgusted that i actually thought you ARE the most fillial one son that Granny could count on... And yet this actually happened..
I hate it, seriously i hate it so much so that Granny still had to side on you when i can see how sad she is... Don't come and tell me that Granny do it willingly, she had just mentioned it to me 2 weeks ago that she wouldn't ever remove her name from the owner's category.. And 2 weeks later she changed her mind for something that had been inputted into her for almost 20 over years.. Don't come and expect me to believe... Using buttocks and think, we knew what's your next step to expect and come...How long more could Granny live? Don't come and tell me that you can't jolly wait for that few months or years?????? What the hell....
Why do things had to turn out this way?? I don't understand.. How can you do this.. I'm freaking more don't understand the meaning of FAMILY to you anymore.. It's your actions that made us cannot agree with YOU... Don't come and tell me that you had a clear conscience, which i believe you don't... If you really do, why do you have to hide it FROM ALL OF US.... No It's not, you're just bear selfish.. So selfish that no matter what you do in the future i would agree upon.. the disappointment and the disturbed mind that i'm having now cannot made me felt at peace.. I just cannot forgive this time... No matter what reasons you had, doing this way just disgusted me so much so much... The thought of it hurts me so much.. I cannot bring myself to believe it not even saying to call you uncle if i see you ever again.. You better not let me see you... I don't know what i'll do.... Trust me for that, i'm hopping mad and still had to pretend that i knew nothing and seeing Granny lie in the hospital bed helplessly... SHE IS YOUR GOD-DAMN MOTHER FOR CHRIST SAKE... If she didn't brought you up, can you get married and have kids.. yet this is how you REPAY HER by EYEING on the only PROPERTY that's on her name?????????? I HATE YOU, uncle.... I HATE you.. It's been so long that i had used such strong word on someone.. you made me use it..
I have bid goodbye to my old workplace and moved over to a new one recently... Well, so far so good i'm working hard and happily as much as i can.. But somehow felt that i am under utilise for this moment.. haha.. It's been almost 2 weeks since i started work... Am a happy ger there for now.. That's Human isn't it... When you're overloaded you complained non stop and blurt out all grievances you had in your heart.. After a change and the pace is slightly slower, you complained of nothing to do.. CONTRADICTING!!!... lolxx...
But i'm more or less contented for now.. picking up slightly fast and my head is quite satisfied for now.. Hopefully things will turn out well and there'll be progression soon enough... I'll work hard... Well, some updates of my life... 16 Apr 2010, the day i'm so looking forward to, failed me.. Cause i FAILED my TP.. =( saddened... Quite a pity that i failed, overly anxious and pressured till my mind's a blank.. Shit... But well, gained an experience and i work hard to pass the next round.. Never GIVE UP.. hahhaa... And met up with Jiayi.. Finally after so long, wanted Ting to be around too but she's all cooped up with the married life you see.. hahaha...
Everytime i met up with my dear gal, Jiayi she never failed to give me some enlightenment here and there and always set me thinking again... hahaha... This is what i like about having meetups with old old friend.. At some point of time, we learnt from each other as we're all going through different stages of life though of similar or same age.. Some progress faster, some slower... I'm at the slower stages, hence hearing life stories example and sharing life experiences.. W e gain a chance to look at life with a different perspective... And you only will hear true and sincere comments of you from the ones that treat you sincerely as friend.. I'm glad i still have some left thought i lost 2... But that does not defeat me.. Because i still believe that one day when we look back.. I had learnt so much from the experiences i've been through and the lessons learnt from those i lost.. Hopefully one day just one day, i'll have the chance to regain the once lost friendships and learnt more as i move on day by day in life...
Jiayi reminded me of the WANTS vs The NEEDS.... This made me ponder and venture into this topic... Because i mentioned about moving out as my sibilings are all growing up rapidly as time passed... I cannot be having the room by myself as Gabriel is a guy, he needs to live alone as he grows older... Well, i admit i'm still immature for this as i want my own personal space and want to live in the room by myself without sharing with anyone.. For this point i admit i WANT and i'm abit selfish in this sense... I still cannot come to terms with me losing this only personal space that i owned for twenty over years... Sorry gal... hehe.. after thoughts i still can't bear to lose this little space of my own.. But i believe this would prompt me to work harder in achieving my financial freedom and to own a space truly of my own.... =)
There's one part which i couldn't help but agree with Jiayi and that is my perspective of future.. I hate to admit this but i had indeed shut my door from Relationship Love and had plans only for an individual, ME. I have not forsee that one day i might met another "the One" to come into my life.. Because of my closure of my heart, my plans for the next 5 years only focus on myself living alone and not fantasizing of getting married... I would be lying if i said i don't want someone to lean on.. I yearn for it sometimes especially when i recalled those memories which i only allowed myself to thought of it occasionally so as not to go emo-ing again... Maybe i haven't meet the one yet, but i didn't consider the possibility of me meeting one...
Seriously, i've been single for around 3 years, had infatuations of unrealistic pinning to facing the reality that i just ain't keen in having one... This is one part that i did open myself to.. I am open to the ideas of meeting new friends and guys but i ended up in being just friends with them.. And also considering the fact that i'm a FAT but Happy ger now of course physically attraction i had already lost to many of the young mei meis out there.. hahaha.. Where would guys be bother to venture to my inner character??? hahaha... Well, this doesn't really bother me, as long as i see all my friends i kept in my heart found happiness i'll be heartily contented and happy for them... That's enough for the time being... Maybe i had find some contentment in one way or another.. But will ponder on more till i reach a conclusion, because i believe that LOVE this thingy, the more you pursue, the more it will eludes you... Maybe just maybe.. hahaha...
Will go into this once i reached a conclusion.. Let time tells... lolzz... Nitey..
Just some random thoughts running through my mind now.. I haven't been more unfeeling towards everything i heard or seen before... Sometimes, things just ain't the way it picture itself, but before you even come to terms with it... Things happened and it often caught you spot on and you wouldn't even have time to even think about it....
Somehow i'm kinda immune and numb to all these emotional stuff, i don't want to face it neither do i want to get involve.. But things often don't go the way you want it to, but definately the way you mostly don't want it... what a joke.. Is heaven's trying to play a joke on me? i guess probably true... People always said there's no smooth sailing life and life full of ups and downs.... but when you had already experienced more DOWNS then ups... you definately have a clearer picture of how should you portray your outlook of life...
Continue being negetive will only create MORE downs... having a positive outlook might have been a better way to live life.... Life's short, take things easier maybe it'll prolong your life.. haha.... wishingful thinking... I don't know what i am ranting on for, i just felt that in life there are so many decisions to be made and think for.. but once decisions gone wrong, you would have to bear the responsibility be it the consequences.. Everybody deserves a second chance, to live with your mistakes and learnt from them....
Just some rubbish comments... i just wanna rant on for fun because in my heart i just felt unbalance somehow here nor there.. just cannot describe those feelings in words....
