Gone with the wind
In LOving Memory of AH SEOW...... 22nd August 08.
Yesterday, 22nd Aug 08 at 14. 01pm i received a call from Jiliang (Ken). I missed the call
and he redialled the 2nd time again.. I missed it once again, and i returned my call with a heavy
heart. Believed it anot, he's not the kind to call twice in a row if it ain't important, and my first
thought was Ah Seow, the bball coach that once dote on me like a daughter and taught me the
skills of bball...
Yes, he passed away yesterday when i heard the confirmation from Jiliang, my heart
sanked.... A couple of months ago, i bought and visited him with his favourite food, 'WU XIANG
& BEE HOON' and visited him at NUH when his condition wasn't tat bad yet.... It taken to a toll
on him 2 mths ago, but i was contented that he is kinda of better... Yet, yesterday the news of
him passiong away saddened me.. He lived his life dutifully for his passion of Bball... He had his
fair share of ups and downs in his life and his students whom had grown up under his guidance,
his team...
I am going down to his wake tonight, but hua advised that for my health ( I had a fever last night), my luck and the
fact tat it is special month and also the fact tat my bdae is next fri.... i shouldn't attend both white
& red affairs... But i just couldn't bring myself not going down, cuz he's afterall someone whom
shower me with love, care and concern when i'm young.. and there are many fun memories i had
with him and jiliang they all.... It is afterall my past and etched in my memories... I had to go
down and pay my last respects no matter what.... I'm going for a movie with Hua first then to his
wake at Jurong East... I'm afraid of going dwn seriously, i'm nt afraid of the ridicule that i would
received that i've grown fat or whatever, i'm in fact afraid that i would cry, this is pple said if you
cried for a person who passed on, it would add on to their burden... however, i couldn't control
everytime..
But i couldn't bear to miss his wake, because i wanna see him for the last and final time, also
to say goodbye to him also to send him for his final journey.... His passing on really made me
understood, we as human would never know what's going to happen to ourselves the very next
day.... Only to treasure everything that's right before your eyes at this very moment.... It set me
thinking for what i've lost and what have i achieved.... till now, i still had my queries, my doubts...
I'm afraid of losing my dear ones, i believed that everyone too... till now, it still came as a shock
to me... Thursday night, Shu jun and i had a long and good talk, she said she couldn't bear to see
me being so bad to myself, when i had absolutely a clear idea of what's wrong with me and why
couldn't i just bring myself to cross that line... why should i hide myself up and lost all my self-
confidence.... I wasn't like that at all for what she've known me.... I knew it myself very very well
and yes, i just couldn't cross that thin line in front of me.. And she's absolutely right that i had
only myself to cross it and no one else can help me..
She said i had a choice to cross or to stay lingering in that thin line... This set me thinking
and i knew it myself deep down... She's not the first person to remind me this, a few persons had
did their part, however to be frank i had lost all courage.... i knew i had to picked myself up from
where i fell, the fact of my condition had been bothering and holding me back... I couldn't make
myself believe..... I had lost the self-c in me.... Help.......................................................~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Labels: Fragility of human life...
